Oh Sara. I know things are tough, but if you dont change the way you are looking at things, you will self distruct. It seems you are focusing on all the bad things associated with him being here and you being there, when you should be focusing on all the good things that are coming! Maybe you could think about councelling, or see if there is a wives group in your area that meets for coffee. Maybe 'stepping into the water' will help..something more real then just MCF. You cant make it thru alone. But in the rest of the time, thinking less about that hour he isnt there, think about the hours you will spend together turning a Q into a cozy little home, little trips you can take on Leave, planning your wedding. Dont focus on the sadness of being apart, but the joy of being together. The last time jay was away for 3 monthes, i was pregnant, and it sucked having him gone, but i didnt wallow in self pity, i planned...planned our new home decor, planned for baby, researched all the things in the area that we could do when we moved; and it made me happy to think about all those things we would be doing together, opposed to how much it sucked that he wasnt there with me...and at that time..i didnt know about MCF..i had no support in the Military side of things. You can get thru this, and once he is back all of these feelings will melt away, BUT if you dont find a way to make it less painful..the next separation will be worse...espeically if it is on Tour. Take Care Sara...and know we are here, and that there is Life outside that pain.
Oh hon. I echo everything she says. I understand you're having a tough time with him being gone and it's alot of adjusting if you're used to being with him everyday. I think you could adjust fine if you would allow yourself to. But I also feel that you depend on him for your happiness and that's a dangerous habit to have. It feels like you believe you are not a complete person without him, and in order to be happy or to be whole you need him. And that's simply not true. In fact, it might have the opposite effect in that you needing him so much may drive him away.
I believe that to be in a healthy relationship, you need to be two complete people who are enhanced by being together. In my opinion, you often sound like your entire life revolves around him and his contact with you. That you are less of a person when he is not there and that is absolutely not true!
Instead of focusing on what you don't have, I would recommend using this time to establish a circle of friends outside of him and if necessary outside of the military life as well. Use the time to become a more complete person because while things will get a little easier once you're through the training phase of this, it gets more difficult in other areas. You need a measure of independence to survive in this lifestyle and you're not there yet.
It's okay to miss him, of course. But you need to start gaining some independance and self-reliance (and I don't mean financially, I mean emotionally). Otherwise you will self-destruct and so will the relationship. :(
Oh Sara. I know things are tough, but if you dont change the way you are looking at things, you will self distruct. It seems you are focusing on all the bad things associated with him being here and you being there, when you should be focusing on all the good things that are coming! Maybe you could think about councelling, or see if there is a wives group in your area that meets for coffee. Maybe 'stepping into the water' will help..something more real then just MCF. You cant make it thru alone. But in the rest of the time, thinking less about that hour he isnt there, think about the hours you will spend together turning a Q into a cozy little home, little trips you can take on Leave, planning your wedding. Dont focus on the sadness of being apart, but the joy of being together. The last time jay was away for 3 monthes, i was pregnant, and it sucked having him gone, but i didnt wallow in self pity, i planned...planned our new home decor, planned for baby, researched all the things in the area that we could do when we moved; and it made me happy to think about all those things we would be doing together, opposed to how much it sucked that he wasnt there with me...and at that time..i didnt know about MCF..i had no support in the Military side of things. You can get thru this, and once he is back all of these feelings will melt away, BUT if you dont find a way to make it less painful..the next separation will be worse...espeically if it is on Tour.
ReplyDeleteTake Care Sara...and know we are here, and that there is Life outside that pain.
Oh hon. I echo everything she says. I understand you're having a tough time with him being gone and it's alot of adjusting if you're used to being with him everyday. I think you could adjust fine if you would allow yourself to. But I also feel that you depend on him for your happiness and that's a dangerous habit to have. It feels like you believe you are not a complete person without him, and in order to be happy or to be whole you need him. And that's simply not true. In fact, it might have the opposite effect in that you needing him so much may drive him away.
ReplyDeleteI believe that to be in a healthy relationship, you need to be two complete people who are enhanced by being together. In my opinion, you often sound like your entire life revolves around him and his contact with you. That you are less of a person when he is not there and that is absolutely not true!
Instead of focusing on what you don't have, I would recommend using this time to establish a circle of friends outside of him and if necessary outside of the military life as well. Use the time to become a more complete person because while things will get a little easier once you're through the training phase of this, it gets more difficult in other areas. You need a measure of independence to survive in this lifestyle and you're not there yet.
It's okay to miss him, of course. But you need to start gaining some independance and self-reliance (and I don't mean financially, I mean emotionally). Otherwise you will self-destruct and so will the relationship. :(
We're all here for you if you need us. /hugs
Oh Sara... (((HUGS))) I am just a phone call away.
ReplyDelete